Regrets...and Second Chances

So today is the 6month anniversary of my mom's passing. I spent a lot of years being very angry and unforgiving. It seems like at every turn I made I was blaming her for something. And doing everything in my power to be NOTHING LIKE HER! I felt like I had been failed as a child. Like I never had a mom. But as time goes by, I realize that she was more of a mom than I ever realized. After all, you know that I've heard things come out of my mouth that I swore I would never say because she said them! And we all do that! I know she was the best mom she knew how to be. After all, I turned out o.k. I got grounded when I messed up. She made sure I went to church. She made sure I went to school. Even if I was dirty. I had to do chores. Which is probably why I hate dishes and laundry! She always tried to be goofy, even when I thought she was a dork!  But she tried and I can't fault her for that.
So now I'm just left with regrets. Regrets that I didn't try harder. Regrets that I didn't embrace her when I could have. Regrets that I didn't ask her all the questions I wanted answers to. And most of all regrets that my kids never had a chance to really know her. But one thing I know for sure. I don't regret that I made peace with her. I don't regret that I finally told her "I love you" just a few weeks before she passed away. And I don't regret that she got to see her grand babies.
I have a second chance though. I have 4 amazing kids that are my entire world!  When you hear people say "Let your mess be your message." I really take that to heart. My MESS is my message. They are awesome! And I will raise them with no regrets! I will always be there to fight for them when they cannot. I will be mean and make them do homework and chores! I will make them show love and kindness to each other even when they don't want to. I will teach them that God our Father comes first above all else! I know the road might be bumpy along the way. But afterwards I want as a family to be able to laugh and joke about the ride! I know I won't regret that!

Above is a picture I took the day of my sister Ruthie's wedding. My mom is in the background. I wish it was a better picture. It was also the last day I got to see and speak to her. 

Fruit...eat it or live it?

This is my first blog, Ever! So here it goes!
I have always tried to teach my children to live by the fruit of the Spirit. Galations 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
It is my hearts desire to rasie children into loving, caring, patient, compassionante Godly adults. In today's society it isn't easy by any means! And I will be honest and admit even I fall short of this feat frequently.
As I write this first blog, our oldest son Matthew has shown love for his family by allowing me to sleep in, changed and fed Sarah. And then cooked breakfast for himself and Ella. I'm not sure if he has a motive behind all this, but I am choosing to believe he is moved by the Holy Spirit!  My children often find ways to love one another. However it has been less lately as Matt and Ella are getting older. My heart is so blessed by these four little people that God has loaned us! I can't imagine my life any other way!
So, next time you eat a piece of fruit, think about it...are you just eating it? Or are you living it?