Four months to the day that my world came crashing down around me. Four months ago we found that my sweet Andrew went to be with Jesus. I wonder if the first of every month will always feel like a stab to my heart? It's hard to think about how close to the end of my pregnancy I would be. In just a few short weeks I would've been holding my little boy, relishing in his beauty and God's amazing miracle that is life. I often wonder what his personality would've been like. Maybe he would've been just as silly as his big brothers and sisters. Would he have had curly hair like his daddy? Or maybe it would've been blonde like when Sam was little?
I know I won't have any answers this side of heaven. But I honestly can't wait to meet him and grab him up in my arms and hug and kiss his face all over. Until then I will continue to have faith that he is safe with our heavenly father. I will continue to have faith even when I doubt. Yes even Christians doubt. And I have had many doubting days. I will continue to praise God when it hurts. I will continue to love Him when I'm frustrated and angry. I know that God must think I'm strong enough to handle such a heavy burden. And honestly most days I'm not up for such a burden. But I know that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
