For some odd reason, it has been a very rough week. I realized this last week that I should have a three month old to keep up with. Actually I should rephrase that, A three month old to protect from Sarah! She seems to think she can do anything anyone else here does. And trust me she does her level best to keep up! Like a couple weeks ago when she pushed her chair up to the silver wear drawer to get a knife to cut her own strawberries! I sometimes think to myself that maybe God was protecting me from the exhausting task of trying to keep up with two under two! I might be skinnier if that were the case! Also we would've been a family of seven crammed into a minivan! We only bought this van a year and a half ago, but I'm already wanting to upgrade to a suburban!
In just a few short months Sarah will be out of her crib. That is of course if she doesn't figure out how to scale the side like a fence! And she will also more than likely be out of diapers. Once again I will be out of the baby stage, not really sure if we'll actually reenter it anytime soon.
I was reading devotions with Ella tonight and we read a portion that talked about how Isaac prayed and waited for Rebekah to have a baby for twenty years. And the devotion was teaching about how we have to wait a long time for something and that it becomes a learning time. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from all this, but it sure feels like twenty years already!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Chosen
Where to begin...
I'm sure your interest is peaked by my title. I just finished the one book I have been searching for in the last seven months. I didn't really know I was searching for this book. I knew about this book, but wasn't really interested. I had no idea that this book was the one book that I needed. I have read so many books on miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss lately that I had honestly become tired of the subject. I've gotten to the point where I just didn't want to talk about Andrew to anyone other than Ken, the kids, and my therapist anymore. My head just kept hearing from the rest of the world that it was time to move on. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get moving sounds like something my Dad would say. Be grateful for what I have isn't really what I want to think when I'm mourning the loss of my son who will never have "firsts" here on earth. The world wants me to move on because they don't know what to say, or how to say it. But who can move on like he never existed? He was a living, growing, squirming little boy that our family was so excited about. And I was chosen to be his Momma. Now, and later forever in Heaven
Angie Smith (her husband is Todd Smith of the group Selah) wrote this amazing book chronicling the birth and death of their daughter. I Will Carry You made me laugh and cry through the entire book! I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one who felt and thought all these things. She put it in a book!!!
I have so many times thought to myself, yelled, begged and pleaded with God wanting to know why He would make us go through something so awful. Why would He take my son? Had I sinned so badly that He was fed up?I had fought so hard to keep him! But you know it struck me suddenly when reading this book last night. God didn't do this to me. HE CHOSE ME! He knew that I felt so passionately for my children. All children. He knows that even though this hurts, that I will still fight to do His will. He knows that Andrew will have an impact on this world.
He knows that I won't back down from a fight. He knows that even right now when my heart hurts for the baby we miscarried just over a week ago, I will still go forward and in His timing do the ministry He has set before us. We will still let Him decide how and when our family will grow. I know now that God must think a lot of me to walk me through such painful times. And I know now that HE CHOSE ME!
I'm sure your interest is peaked by my title. I just finished the one book I have been searching for in the last seven months. I didn't really know I was searching for this book. I knew about this book, but wasn't really interested. I had no idea that this book was the one book that I needed. I have read so many books on miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss lately that I had honestly become tired of the subject. I've gotten to the point where I just didn't want to talk about Andrew to anyone other than Ken, the kids, and my therapist anymore. My head just kept hearing from the rest of the world that it was time to move on. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get moving sounds like something my Dad would say. Be grateful for what I have isn't really what I want to think when I'm mourning the loss of my son who will never have "firsts" here on earth. The world wants me to move on because they don't know what to say, or how to say it. But who can move on like he never existed? He was a living, growing, squirming little boy that our family was so excited about. And I was chosen to be his Momma. Now, and later forever in Heaven
Angie Smith (her husband is Todd Smith of the group Selah) wrote this amazing book chronicling the birth and death of their daughter. I Will Carry You made me laugh and cry through the entire book! I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one who felt and thought all these things. She put it in a book!!!
I have so many times thought to myself, yelled, begged and pleaded with God wanting to know why He would make us go through something so awful. Why would He take my son? Had I sinned so badly that He was fed up?I had fought so hard to keep him! But you know it struck me suddenly when reading this book last night. God didn't do this to me. HE CHOSE ME! He knew that I felt so passionately for my children. All children. He knows that even though this hurts, that I will still fight to do His will. He knows that Andrew will have an impact on this world.
He knows that I won't back down from a fight. He knows that even right now when my heart hurts for the baby we miscarried just over a week ago, I will still go forward and in His timing do the ministry He has set before us. We will still let Him decide how and when our family will grow. I know now that God must think a lot of me to walk me through such painful times. And I know now that HE CHOSE ME!
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