I've enjoyed reading the thankful posts this last month. I love to see the joy in others hearts on Facebook for their friends, family, and anything else they have to be thankful for this month. I did somewhat participate in this 30 days of thankfulness last year, but kinda fell away from it mid month. Life gets busy and I lose track of the little things these days. And in the past I was generally a negative Nelly. So thankfulness was not really on my radar until recently.
I attended a women's retreat in October, that I really had no desire to attend, but got roped into anyway. I decided about a week before I needed to change my attitude and find a way to enjoy myself, and find a new perspective. I had never enjoyed them, and the last one I attended, two years ago, during the worst time of my life, was almost my last of everything.
I will be open and honest.Two years ago, It was nearly my "due date" for Andrew. I was in so much emotional pain, and a gripping depression that I began to think the only way out of the pain was to end my own life. Yes this is shocking, brutally honest, and clearly I made it through the loss. Losing a child, is never easy. There is not one thing that can make the loss better, while in the middle of so many emotions. But THANKFULLY I made it through.
Backtracking to this retreat last month. I went with a new attitude, determined to find something better about this retreat. I had this new desire in my life. A desire to find joy and peace in my life again. Only now a real joy that I knew only God could give. And I did. I went back to the same bench I had sat at two years ago, pouring my heart out to a God I didn't understand anymore. Only this time I was able to thank Him. Thank Him for the last two, hardest of my life ever, years. Thank Him for the short time I had carried my son, in my womb. Thank Him for the even shorter time we were able to see and hold him. Thank Him for the women in my life, and our church who had ministered to, and loved me, holding me up when I couldn't keep it together.
You see I had no idea what this weekend was about, I had no idea that when I walked into the large meeting room late, (because I got lost in the dark, In the middle of Nowhere, Michigan!) that there would be a banner hanging above the fire place that spelled out the words E U C H A R I S T E O. Eucharisteo. It's Greek meaning has more than one word to describe it, Joy, Peace, and Thanksgiving. This weekend had God's work written all over it. We received a gift as part of attending the retreat, titled 1000 Gifts- by Ann Voskamp. I dove into this book almost right away before even getting home. I didn't know exactly what it was about, but knew it was calling me to read. This book is a challenge, a call to see, and be thankful in everything. The challenge was taken, would I be able to Thank God in every part of my life? Was I thankful in the hard stuff? The easy stuff is obvious. But what about when a high fever causes a kid to puke all over the place? Or when there is more month at the end of the paycheck? Or when one child throws a huge tantrum over a broken toy? Broken washing machine? And think about it, WHY would I want to thank Him for the loss of my baby? The list goes on, but a life of thankfulness is part of finding peace and joy. Because God is in the little stuff. Even the hard stuff. Because giving thanks is an everyday opportunity, to grow closer to Him. Why am I now thankful for the loss? Because it has given me more compassion for other moms. Because now, that I have come to the end of myself, and begun this daily thanking, God can really begin a work in me.
I'm thankful in the little stuff of the day, that seems frustrating at times. I'm thankful for a great husband, who is amazing to our 4 kids. I'm thankful for these amazing 4 kids, that almost always find a way to make my day interesting. Thankful for the gift of writing and photography I had long forgotten about. Thankful for a cluttered house, dirty dishes piled in the sink, dirty laundry all over the place, clean laundry that still needs put away, marker all over a three year old's face and legs, paper scraps, a dirty car that never really seems to get clean. Thankful for that broken washer, piles of bills that will one day be all paid off, time with my kids, a needy annoying dog that brings joy to my kids faces, my fears, and tears shed over feeling I may fail one or more of my kids in this home school journey. Thankful for crabby children, for fresh snow on the ground covering leaves that never got totally raked up still in piles. And in this, thankfulness I can see God 's hand all over my life. And I begin my list, of thanks. Not just a month of thanks but a life of thanks. I am challenged by the author. My goal is to write my own 1000 gifts of thanks to my God. So far I am up to 78... Hopefully this next year will have a 1000 opportunities for Eucharisteo. Joy, Peace, Thanksgiving.
I attended a women's retreat in October, that I really had no desire to attend, but got roped into anyway. I decided about a week before I needed to change my attitude and find a way to enjoy myself, and find a new perspective. I had never enjoyed them, and the last one I attended, two years ago, during the worst time of my life, was almost my last of everything.
I will be open and honest.Two years ago, It was nearly my "due date" for Andrew. I was in so much emotional pain, and a gripping depression that I began to think the only way out of the pain was to end my own life. Yes this is shocking, brutally honest, and clearly I made it through the loss. Losing a child, is never easy. There is not one thing that can make the loss better, while in the middle of so many emotions. But THANKFULLY I made it through.
Backtracking to this retreat last month. I went with a new attitude, determined to find something better about this retreat. I had this new desire in my life. A desire to find joy and peace in my life again. Only now a real joy that I knew only God could give. And I did. I went back to the same bench I had sat at two years ago, pouring my heart out to a God I didn't understand anymore. Only this time I was able to thank Him. Thank Him for the last two, hardest of my life ever, years. Thank Him for the short time I had carried my son, in my womb. Thank Him for the even shorter time we were able to see and hold him. Thank Him for the women in my life, and our church who had ministered to, and loved me, holding me up when I couldn't keep it together.
You see I had no idea what this weekend was about, I had no idea that when I walked into the large meeting room late, (because I got lost in the dark, In the middle of Nowhere, Michigan!) that there would be a banner hanging above the fire place that spelled out the words E U C H A R I S T E O. Eucharisteo. It's Greek meaning has more than one word to describe it, Joy, Peace, and Thanksgiving. This weekend had God's work written all over it. We received a gift as part of attending the retreat, titled 1000 Gifts- by Ann Voskamp. I dove into this book almost right away before even getting home. I didn't know exactly what it was about, but knew it was calling me to read. This book is a challenge, a call to see, and be thankful in everything. The challenge was taken, would I be able to Thank God in every part of my life? Was I thankful in the hard stuff? The easy stuff is obvious. But what about when a high fever causes a kid to puke all over the place? Or when there is more month at the end of the paycheck? Or when one child throws a huge tantrum over a broken toy? Broken washing machine? And think about it, WHY would I want to thank Him for the loss of my baby? The list goes on, but a life of thankfulness is part of finding peace and joy. Because God is in the little stuff. Even the hard stuff. Because giving thanks is an everyday opportunity, to grow closer to Him. Why am I now thankful for the loss? Because it has given me more compassion for other moms. Because now, that I have come to the end of myself, and begun this daily thanking, God can really begin a work in me.
I'm thankful in the little stuff of the day, that seems frustrating at times. I'm thankful for a great husband, who is amazing to our 4 kids. I'm thankful for these amazing 4 kids, that almost always find a way to make my day interesting. Thankful for the gift of writing and photography I had long forgotten about. Thankful for a cluttered house, dirty dishes piled in the sink, dirty laundry all over the place, clean laundry that still needs put away, marker all over a three year old's face and legs, paper scraps, a dirty car that never really seems to get clean. Thankful for that broken washer, piles of bills that will one day be all paid off, time with my kids, a needy annoying dog that brings joy to my kids faces, my fears, and tears shed over feeling I may fail one or more of my kids in this home school journey. Thankful for crabby children, for fresh snow on the ground covering leaves that never got totally raked up still in piles. And in this, thankfulness I can see God 's hand all over my life. And I begin my list, of thanks. Not just a month of thanks but a life of thanks. I am challenged by the author. My goal is to write my own 1000 gifts of thanks to my God. So far I am up to 78... Hopefully this next year will have a 1000 opportunities for Eucharisteo. Joy, Peace, Thanksgiving.
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| she's her own art canvas |
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| cutting practice, think she got it as she cut her own hair |
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| at ER with 104degree fever |
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| pizza at the beach-family time |
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| Ella enjoying reading! Giving up t.v. to read for fun! |
