Missed it

I finally broke down and called the cable company today to upgrade our cable. I had down graded a few month ago because I was trying to save money in our budget. Of course I lost my favorite channel. TLC is actually the only tv I really pay any attention to. I've missed the entire season of 19 kids and counting! I love their family, and dedication to their children! I was hoping to get to watch tonight because it was the episode when they told the kids they had lost baby 20. I often wonder what it would've been like to come home with Ken to tell the kids. I saw a little bit of how they must've reacted a couple weeks ago when they heard the news of the teachers daughter from school passing away so suddenly. It was a very hard day in our house. The kids all wanted to go to her funeral and they didn't even know her.
I can't wait to see the whole season even if it means I buy it. I have found myself very interested in how Michelle's pregnancy ended a lot like mine. Oddly enough even our pregnancy length was the same. We were both supposed to be at 19 weeks according to our cycle. However the babies were both right about 16 weeks. (give or take a few days.) I remember thinking to myself before Michelle lost her baby, what is she doing right that I'm not? Don't I love my kids enough? Have I not been a good enough Christian? Why did God allow this to happen to our family? We were following His lead in our life!!! But when Michelle lost Jubilee I had one of those Ah ha! Moments. God is no respecter of persons. He has His reasons for everything. I realized recently and was able to actually wrap my brain around this,
God didn't punish me by taking Andrew.
Satan couldn't steal him because he just doesn't have that kind of power.
All things have to go through the Father first.
And God did allow this to happen knowing that He would make something good out of something so painful. He knew I would recover and willingly take this part of my life and use it for His purpose.
When I get to watch the last episode of 19 kids, I'll let you all in on my insights. From one greiving mom to another. It will be a tearjerker I'm sure.

Busy busy!!!!

Wow so this last few weeks has been seriously crazy! Just when we thought things were settling down, a young couple we know lost one of their twin babies, a couple from church lost their first pregnancy, and another family we know lost their little girl who was only 2. It's been weeks of heavy prayer for these families.
I spent the better part of the last two weeks with a sinus infection and also doing some subbing at the kids school. Then Ken's brother Tom died very suddenly! That was such a shock. Keep him in prayer because it really is hard to lose a sibling so suddenly when you had no chance to say goodbye. One thing I have to say about this giant family I married into, is they love HARD, and they sure know how to pull together in tough times! I used to feel like I wasn't really a part, but just an extension. Since Andrew died though, they have really shown me that I am a part of this crazy Mosley family! And I love them all!
I also met with one of the core group ministries I'm part of at church. It's called the Moses Basket, and they minister to pregnant and adopting families. It's amazing and I'm loving praying for all these moms that are pregnant and are wanting to get pregnant! My part will be of course prayer, and passing along the Supernatural Childbirth book to other women. But the newest addition to the ministry is the remembrance box. I'm excited to use my heartbreak of losing Andrew to minster to other women, but hopefully it won't be very often. I've been working on writing my story and also making a book to share the different jewelry and little things that will go in a box for those moms who will need one. I never thought anything good would come from such an awful time in our life, but God is good and He always turns good from something bad.
With that said, I need to get back to work! I will share pics later. And also I am thinking about how I will write about Sam's views and thoughts about death. He's only six and has dealt with so much this year that it's normal for him now I guess.
 Love you all! Have a great week!!!

Settled in...finally. Maybe. I think?

I wasn't really sure how well I would take to being home again once the dust surrounding my leave/resignation settled. I new there was so much to keep me occupied, as well as keeping after a very busy little girl!
I began mostly by resting, giving Sarah lots of Momma attention, and going to therapy when the kids were at school. Slowly I dug into that once heard of task called housework. It occurred to me rather quickly that these people in my house are pigs!(I still love them despite their messes!) And the work never ends! Plus they eat all the time! I think I have cooked more in the last four months than I have in the last four years!


I'm also seeing that we are getting closer to the end of a very hard, long year. My grief process is getting easier every day. There are less bad days now, and more days of productivity, less tears, and more normalcy.  Some days I am painfully reminded that I don't have Andrew here with us. And then there are days that I'm actually a little relieved that I don't have two babies in diapers.

So now I'm spending most of my day with Sarah, occasionally subbing at the kids school, less time in therapy, more time in the gym, and as little time cleaning as possible! I'm settling into this idea of being a stay at home mom again. I do love it! Although this week I actually uttered that famous mom phrase of "I need to have some adult time!"