Missed it

I finally broke down and called the cable company today to upgrade our cable. I had down graded a few month ago because I was trying to save money in our budget. Of course I lost my favorite channel. TLC is actually the only tv I really pay any attention to. I've missed the entire season of 19 kids and counting! I love their family, and dedication to their children! I was hoping to get to watch tonight because it was the episode when they told the kids they had lost baby 20. I often wonder what it would've been like to come home with Ken to tell the kids. I saw a little bit of how they must've reacted a couple weeks ago when they heard the news of the teachers daughter from school passing away so suddenly. It was a very hard day in our house. The kids all wanted to go to her funeral and they didn't even know her.
I can't wait to see the whole season even if it means I buy it. I have found myself very interested in how Michelle's pregnancy ended a lot like mine. Oddly enough even our pregnancy length was the same. We were both supposed to be at 19 weeks according to our cycle. However the babies were both right about 16 weeks. (give or take a few days.) I remember thinking to myself before Michelle lost her baby, what is she doing right that I'm not? Don't I love my kids enough? Have I not been a good enough Christian? Why did God allow this to happen to our family? We were following His lead in our life!!! But when Michelle lost Jubilee I had one of those Ah ha! Moments. God is no respecter of persons. He has His reasons for everything. I realized recently and was able to actually wrap my brain around this,
God didn't punish me by taking Andrew.
Satan couldn't steal him because he just doesn't have that kind of power.
All things have to go through the Father first.
And God did allow this to happen knowing that He would make something good out of something so painful. He knew I would recover and willingly take this part of my life and use it for His purpose.
When I get to watch the last episode of 19 kids, I'll let you all in on my insights. From one greiving mom to another. It will be a tearjerker I'm sure.