Chosen

Where to begin...

I'm sure your interest is peaked by my title. I just finished the one book I have been searching for in the last seven months. I didn't really know I was searching for this book. I knew about this book, but wasn't really interested. I had no idea that this book was the one book that I needed. I have read so many books on miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss lately that I had honestly become tired of the subject. I've gotten to the point where I just didn't want to talk about Andrew to anyone other than Ken, the kids, and my therapist anymore. My head just kept hearing from the rest of the world that it was time to move on. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get moving sounds like something my Dad would say. Be grateful for what I have isn't really what I want to think when I'm mourning the loss of my son who will never have "firsts" here on earth. The world wants me to move on because they don't know what to say, or how to say it. But who can move on like he never existed? He was a living, growing, squirming little boy that our family was so excited about. And I was chosen to be his Momma. Now, and later forever in Heaven
Angie Smith (her husband is Todd Smith of the group Selah) wrote this amazing book chronicling the birth and death of their daughter. I Will Carry You made me laugh and cry through the entire book! I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one who felt and thought all these things. She put it in a book!!!

I have so many times thought to myself, yelled, begged and pleaded with God wanting to know why He would make us go through something so awful. Why would He take my son? Had I sinned so badly that He was fed up?I had fought so hard to keep him! But you know it struck me suddenly when reading this book last night. God didn't do this to me. HE CHOSE ME! He knew that I felt so passionately for my children. All children. He knows that even though this hurts, that I will still fight to do His will. He knows that Andrew will have an impact on this world.
He knows that I won't back down from a fight. He knows that even right now when my heart hurts for the baby we miscarried just over a week ago, I will still go forward and in His timing do the ministry He has set before us. We will still let Him decide how and when our family will grow. I know now that God must think a lot of me to walk me through such painful times. And I know now that HE CHOSE ME!