Regrets...and Second Chances

So today is the 6month anniversary of my mom's passing. I spent a lot of years being very angry and unforgiving. It seems like at every turn I made I was blaming her for something. And doing everything in my power to be NOTHING LIKE HER! I felt like I had been failed as a child. Like I never had a mom. But as time goes by, I realize that she was more of a mom than I ever realized. After all, you know that I've heard things come out of my mouth that I swore I would never say because she said them! And we all do that! I know she was the best mom she knew how to be. After all, I turned out o.k. I got grounded when I messed up. She made sure I went to church. She made sure I went to school. Even if I was dirty. I had to do chores. Which is probably why I hate dishes and laundry! She always tried to be goofy, even when I thought she was a dork!  But she tried and I can't fault her for that.
So now I'm just left with regrets. Regrets that I didn't try harder. Regrets that I didn't embrace her when I could have. Regrets that I didn't ask her all the questions I wanted answers to. And most of all regrets that my kids never had a chance to really know her. But one thing I know for sure. I don't regret that I made peace with her. I don't regret that I finally told her "I love you" just a few weeks before she passed away. And I don't regret that she got to see her grand babies.
I have a second chance though. I have 4 amazing kids that are my entire world!  When you hear people say "Let your mess be your message." I really take that to heart. My MESS is my message. They are awesome! And I will raise them with no regrets! I will always be there to fight for them when they cannot. I will be mean and make them do homework and chores! I will make them show love and kindness to each other even when they don't want to. I will teach them that God our Father comes first above all else! I know the road might be bumpy along the way. But afterwards I want as a family to be able to laugh and joke about the ride! I know I won't regret that!

Above is a picture I took the day of my sister Ruthie's wedding. My mom is in the background. I wish it was a better picture. It was also the last day I got to see and speak to her.