Tears of Joy

Several weeks ago, before winter was "officially" over we finally had a big snowfall. It was the kind of snowstorm that parents dread and school age kids pray for. Parents dread looking for last minute childcare, and even driving in it. Kids are just excited to have the day off from school and play in the snow! When you're a home school family these things don't even phase you. You either continue with your regular routine, or declare a snow day. We chose snow day. Daddy was home from work that day too, as he didn't want to chance the nearly hour long drive in bad weather. My new motto has been to have a great time and enjoy these kids while I can!

The Lord had been speaking to my heart a lot lately about finding true joy. Not the kind you have when you find a sale, or eat a really great piece of chocolate. But the kind of joy that comes from deep within. Joy unspeakable. The kind of Joy that says "it doesn't matter what's going on in life we are going to enjoy life to the fullest". Joy is also a  fruit of the spirit (Gal 5:22). It seemed that every area of my life I was hearing about joy. T.V., radio, church sermon, and even in my bible study. God surely had something to say to me in this area of my life.

It's been nearly two years since we lost Andrew, and while there are still days that we talk about the what ifs, and wish he was here with us, life has really gotten back to normal. Something I didn't ever think was going to happen again. Not long after he died; we as a family all wanted something special to remember him by. So we all got a piece of jewelry. This is mine.

The day of the big snow I noticed I had a rather difficult knot in my chain. I wanted to get it fixed right away but needed Ken to do it for me. And since he was outside plowing the driveway I reluctantly removed the necklace. I never, and I mean never take it off unless I really have to, and only for a short time. You could almost say I'm obsessed with keeping it on. (I just realized that might be another subject for therapy!) I forced myself to go sledding with the family WITHOUT my necklace. After all I was determined this was going to be a great spontaneous snow day.

I have not owned any snow gear my entire adult life. But now that my older two are bigger than me, I have their hand me down snow gear! This is also the first winter in a long time that I could go sledding without either being pregnant, trying to get pregnant, worried I might be pregnant, or had a little one too small to take sledding. We all got bundled up and headed outdoors. Sarah is IN LOVE with snow. So there is never a problem convincing her to go out. She's out in the snow before I even get a minute to get ready. Sam had never been sledding before and was very excited to try it out. We played in the yard first and Sarah built her first snowman. Then after gathering all the sleds we headed to a local school that had a few hilly areas. I was expecting other kids to be there, but it turned out we were by ourselves. That is my idea of fun, because I still don't like crowds of people.

We trudged through the snow, passed the playground, and began making our mark in the snow so to speak. I was very excited to see how much the kids would enjoy sledding. I still had it in the back of my mind that my necklace was at home. I felt as if I had left one of our children at home. Strange? Maybe. But for a mom who has lost a child, even a necklace is like having a part of that child with you.

Then it happened. After several trial runs down the hill, Ken took Sam down the hill first. Sam was so thrilled! He laughed all the way down. And at the bottom he loudly proclaimed "that was awesome" I'm crying tears of joy!" Oh my goodness we laughed so hard! He was right though! A trip down a snow covered hill is little in some peoples eyes. But for a recovering family, it's huge! It really is the little things in life that matter. At that moment I realized this was the kind of joy God was speaking to me about. I can go on and live my life without Andrew, have joy, enjoy my family, and even leave the house without my little piece of him. And it really is okay to move on.

Tears of joy!

We all had a great time, even me!  Everyone took turns going down the hill. Sarah eventually got tired of the hill and decided the playground was more enticing. And afterwards we left soaking wet and headed to McDonald's for hot chocolate. It was a great end to a snowy day.