Life after pregnancy loss

It's been nearly a year since my last post. Not that I haven't wanted to write, but because I just haven't had much to say. Life has been full of ups and downs. The kids keep the hood of my van warm enough to keep chickens warm all winter. The whole country knows this has been a rough winter! My hair isn't turning too gray, too fast. And other than school with the kids, I've been training for a half marathon in August.

It's also been nearly three years since we lost Andrew. And while it's been a very long, hard road, I've seen God's hand in my life more times than I can count. Nearly every day I see healing in one fashion or another. I used to think that only when we were able to have another baby, would we then see real healing. I have learned that real healing begins when real living continues.

I had decided to start this spring off with a cold March race. Matt as usual joined me and left me at the starting line, running off like running is so easy for him. I personally am quite jealous of his running abilities.
He placed, I did not. It was cold, and we were running the outer edge of a still mostly frozen lake, up and down some hills, on a course I'd never run before. I was determined to do my best, and hopefully beat my treadmill time. And I was very grateful I had not started my period in the days before the race.

A few days later I learned that I am pregnant. Nearly three years, and I suddenly can't fit into my pants, and then I graciously throw up in front of a parent and her child from my tumbling class I teach. Surprise! Thankfully she's currently expecting, so no biggie! My mind has been racing all week. How will this pregnancy and new baby affect our everyday life? I haven't had a child in diapers for two years! We don't really have room in our house, do we? Will this baby make it? Do my breasts still hurt? Am I nauseated or just hungry? Or both? Do I share now, or wait until I'm at the twelve week mark? So in true blogger fashion, I will chronicle this pregnancy.

You see life, and a new pregnancy after a pregnancy loss, or still birth is not a life goes on as usual deal. There are more fears, worries, and prayers after a loss. But there is also joy, and thankfulness. And I couldn't help but thank God for allowing us an opportunity to even conceive another baby.

This week I had been debating, do I tell the whole world, or wait until it's safe? I've decided to lean towards caution a bit and only share with a few people. Don't get me wrong, I want to shout it from the rooftop what God has done for us. But I also want to just quietly enjoy this time. Most people want to share right away, while others choose the wait and see approach, knowing things could go wrong. Well knowing all to well that things can go wrong at anytime in a pregnancy, here is my thought. I want to celebrate this life growing in my belly no matter what stage of pregnancy or birth we get to. I want to rest in knowing that my Heavenly Father knows how to take care of this baby better than me, and no matter the outcome, I can rejoice that He even blessed us with another pregnancy.  Every child whether born full term, or lost in miscarriage deserves to be celebrated.