When your joy hurts others

Well I did it. I shared our exciting news. All. Over. Facebook. Except I forgot one thing. I have other friends who have also been struggling through the land of infertility. I have the worst case of pregnancy brain this time around. And in my excitement to share that we finally have a healthy pregnancy after a very long three years, I posted the picture of my first ultrasound. I forgot about my other friends. I forgot to be sensitive to their pain. I didn't truly forget them, but I do feel like I may have handled it a little less than sensitively. 

The problem is that there are times when your own personal joy becomes someone else's pain. I've lived it so I understand first hand. Someone else who is expecting is so excited. And all you can do is cry and ask God why? Sure you're happy for her, but the pain is still very strong. And as much as you want to rejoice for that person, you can't help but let hurt and bitterness swallow you whole. There have been many years in between my children that I've gone through this. The emotions became an all too familiar roller coaster. You begin avoiding baby showers, go out of your way to avoid walking by a pregnant person. You avoid new babies, discussing pregnancy experiences, if you've had any. Avoid helping in the nursery at church, and eventually your friends who are lavishing in the world of all things babyhood. It's a rough road to walk. But those of us who have walked it are not alone. It hurts. And sometimes it seems like you are the only person in the world walking this painful journey. And even when we are not alone, and have friends who are also trudging through the emotional land of infertility it still feels like the loneliest place in the world. 

The point is your pregnancy joy does hurt others. It's not anything you've done personally. But it does happen. And sometimes even worse happens, you lose friends over it. And that's the hardest part.  Hard because it hurts you too. Hard because you can't fix it. You  can't magically make their pain go away. You can't wave a wand, and voila she's pregnant too. You can't say anything to make it all better. And you can't make her maintain a friendship she's not able to at this point in the game. But you CAN pray for her and ask God to bless her with the desires of her heart. You CAN find a way to bless her. You CAN give her the space she needs and be ready to welcome her back into the friendship with open arms when she's ready. And God will bless you with more joy and peace than you expected.