Our M.E.S.S.A...

Well this is definitely not the update I had hoped to publish, but here it goes anyway. On June 1st I was excited when the Dr. handed me a paper for an ultrasound to determine the gender of our baby blessing number 5.  Just several weeks before we had made the official announcement with a very fun and creative picture to share our news. We had a lot of worries, and wondered how we would provide for another baby. I had to quit nursing Sarah to give our newest baby a better chance at getting to the 12 week mark. And I often thought, "how is Sarah going to handle losing all her Momma attention to a little sibling?" But I really had a peace inside of me that God would provide all, including the grace for me to have two little ones under the age of two! In my heart I knew I could do it.

The months before we had nervously waited for positive feedback after every ultrasound and trip to the lab for blood work. It seemed this baby was determined to make it on it's own. We had thought we were out of the woods finally. However that day I got my papers turned out to be the worst day of our lives. After many attempts at finding the baby's heartbeat, we were told there wasn't one. No heartbeat. No squirming, kicking, arm flailing, moving baby. Just a very heartbroken Momma and Daddy. I was told I would have to go thru labor, and deliver this little baby that our whole family was already so very excited about.

I was immediately admitted to the OB dept. And Ken had the awful job of going home to tell our children that their baby sibling had passed away and would not be coming home with us. They all cried, and Sam especially asked why he couldn't go to the hospital to see his Momma. After a 25 hour ordeal we did deliver a tiny, perfectly formed, beautiful little boy that was already safely in Heaven with Jesus.

We had been asked many times over the last couple months what our baby's name would be...We had kept it somewhat of a secret because we wanted to make sure we picked the right name. Plus we thought we were having a girl. Boy was I wrong this time! We wanted an A name and thought the name would be Avagail. But when we saw he was a boy we knew his name was Andrew. Andrew Jacob Paul Mosley. We never got to hear his cry, or see him smile. But we know that when we get to Heaven, we will get to spend eternity with him.

A good friend thought it was funny last fall to share a dream with us that she had. In her dream we had three more babies. And that they would have an A, G, and E name. And that instead of a MESS it would be MESSAGE.  At the time we didn't find her very amusing. But when I found out I was pregnant, I thought to myself, "wow maybe God has something bigger planned for us". We had already made a commitment to let God be in complete control of our lives. I had spent the last year sharing with any woman who was, or desired to be pregnant, the miracle God did in our lives. We still, even in this time of horrible sadness, stand  firm in our belief that God has an awesome ministry for our life. And oddly enough, even though Ken had said "there will be no more babies after Sarah", our hearts are still open for more children in our family. So we will wait and see what God has planned for us, and follow Him. And we will welcome any more blessings of babies that He gives us.

The day after I came home from the hospital, Sam wanted to see the picture we had taken of Andrew again. And with a child like faith, and very matter of fact. He said...And I will never forget this. "Momma, our next baby will be a girl, and she won't die." I only hope to capture a little bit of his faith! And I hope it never leaves him! Little children can teach us so many things if only we listen!